Beckie’s loss inspires her to help others

A bereaved mum was inspired by her own experiences to support families after baby loss.

Beckie Berger, 35, had no idea she was pregnant until she gave birth to baby Bertie in her bathroom in December 2021, after she was sent home from work unwell. Sadly, he was stillborn.

Beckie’s neighbours heard her call out and dialled 999, before beginning CPR until paramedics arrived. Crews took them to the William Harvey Hospital in Ashford, where she was able to spend time with Bertie in the maternity bereavement suite.

At the time she was working as a healthcare assistant in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, and on the post-natal ward as a transitional care co-ordinator. Colleagues helped her make hand and footprints and preserve precious memories with her son.

Beckie, who lives in Folkestone, said: “He was definitely a surprise! I wasn’t feeling well, and that evening I thought I needed the toilet but then a baby came out.

“He was breech and I knew immediately he was stillborn.

“It was a weird feeling. You read about things or see programmes on TV and think ‘how could they not know?’.

“But I had irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), so put some of it down to that, and my periods had stopped for a year previously. I had been under stress so I just assumed it was the same thing.”

Family and friends were able to spend time with Beckie and Bertie in the bereavement suite, and Beckie visited every two days for almost a month before his funeral. The Trust did not have a dedicated bereavement team at the time but Beckie was supported by her matron Mel Mears as well as colleagues Clare, Chrissy, Debbie and Vicky.

She later took part in steering groups about what a bereavement service could provide, and then when a job came up as a support worker she decided to apply.

She said: “I wanted to do something in memory of my son so I applied, but I didn’t think for a minute that I would get it.

“I think it was what I needed to do and part of my grief process to help others.

“It can be triggering, but I remember every family is different, and we each have our own stories.

“It is hard if it is a bigger baby, like Bertie, but I am focused on the family and their journey and how I can support them.”

Initially Beckie’s role was more admin-based, but over time she began supporting families directly, including helping to create memories with their babies.

She said: “I help dress them, and take their hand and footprints – I try to do everything my colleagues did for my baby for theirs.

“It is a way for me to give back, and it is a privilege to be trusted by other families to support them at such a vulnerable time.

“Bereaved women remember everything you do, every little detail. It is different for families with live babies because they have a baby to focus on.

“Some relatives and friends don’t feel comfortable to visit but I get to be part of that little one’s journey. I try to make it a bit smoother and do everything I can to support the families.”

Beckie rarely mentions Bertie when she is caring for families, but he is at the heart of the bereavement team.

She said: “One woman said she had never met anyone else who had gone through a loss so I did tell her and we connected – she thought she was the only one who had used the bereavement suite.

“As bereaved parents, you are part of a community – not one you want to belong to but you do.

“Events like Baby Loss Awareness Week give us the opportunity to talk about our babies without judgement, and I wrote a heart message for him at our Wave of Light event at work.

“He is at the core of our team and it is nice to be able to share him.

“He has been a blessing and helped me push myself and not live life being comfortable. He was my real push. I think this is the job for me, it is my niche.

“I try to work on his birthday because I was at work when I went into labour, and I would rather be here looking after people and helping them than at home on my own.”