‘It meant absolutely everything for my wife to be able to die at home’

A grieving husband is raising money to thank the hospital team who helped fulfil his wife’s dying wish.

Steve Crossland is holding a charity bowlathon in memory of Sue, his wife of 42 years, who was also a keen bowler.

The money will go to East Kent Hospitals Charity, for the 3 Wishes Project in the critical care unit at the Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother Hospital in Margate.

Staff at the unit pulled out all the stops to allow Sue to die at the couple’s home in Deal, with Steve and her beloved cat Tia, even though she needed a ventilator to breathe.

Steve, a semi-retired decorator, said: “It meant absolutely everything to her to be able to be at home. I will never forget the smile on her face when she came back.

“The team in critical care were wonderful, from the receptionists and cleaners to the doctors and nurses.

“They were all so caring and I will always be grateful they were able to make her wish come true.”

Sue was the first person who relied on a ventilator the team have been able to transfer home to die. Ordinarily treatment would be withdrawn in hospital, and the patient would die in the critical care unit.

The 68-year-old former bank worker had been in hospital for four weeks, after developing pneumonia which was worsened by a pre-existing lung condition.

Steve said: “She had an illness as a child which affected her lungs, but she managed really well. We would go for walks, which she enjoyed, but she had to stop for a bit to catch her breath.

“It came on quite suddenly; she didn’t feel great on the Saturday morning but we were going away for a bowling weekend and she didn’t want to miss out.

“On the Monday she saw her GP, and it went downhill from there. By Thursday she was in hospital and on a ventilator.”

Steve visited daily and was by her side when doctors told her there was nothing else they could do.

He said: “The doctor said they didn’t think they would be able to get her off the ventilator, and asked if she wanted to live like this.

“She looked at me and said she wanted to go home. The doctor thought it would be impossible, but then senior sister Jen Moon found out and started trying to make it happen.”

The team also arranged for a bedside presentation of two bowling awards, after Sue missed the awards ceremony.

Steve said: “Jen asked what happened, so I told her it was a celebration with the captain presenting prizes, a buffet, drinks and a disco.

“She said we could have it on the unit, and the next thing I knew I was there with 20 bowlers, the cups, and some gin.

“Jen put a mouth swab in a glass of gin and put it in Sue’s mouth and she had about four tastes that way. She did like a drop of gin, so it was wonderful to be able to surprise her with it.”

Jen said: “I like to believe nothing is impossible, but being able to help Sue die at home is the proudest thing I have ever done.

“We knew she wouldn’t survive without the ventilator, so I told her I couldn’t promise anything, but we made it happen, with support from teams across the hospital.

“I’m very grateful to everyone, including legal, the palliative care team and consultant Becky, and equipment stores who had a hospital bed at her house in just a few hours.”

Jen and consultant Ana Alegria accompanied Sue in the ambulance, while Steve waited for her at home.

She said: “We were worried she might deteriorate in the ambulance, and there was a risk she might not make it home, but she was determined and she hung on.

“She wanted to be in and settled and to have the cat on her lap, and once we got her home she was happy and calm, and she almost gave us the nod.

“Over the years you get used to withdrawing treatment with a patient, and we always try and personalise their surroundings and make it feel as comforting as possible.

“But it felt different to do it at home, surrounded by Sue’s story, with her photos and the garden that was her sanctuary.

“This was the first time we have been able to do this but thanks to Sue we have opened the door for other patients in the future.”

East Kent Hospital Charity’s fundraising officer Hannah Harvey said: “We are incredibly grateful to Steve and the bowling community for organising this special fundraising event in Sue’s memory.

“It’s a truly meaningful tribute to celebrate something she loved while giving back to the team who cared for her so compassionately in her final days.

“East Kent Hospitals Charity are proud to fund the 3 Wishes Project and to work alongside the dedicated teams to create lasting memories for patients and their families during such difficult times.

“Thanks to generous donations from events like Steve’s, we will be able to continue making these wishes possible for those who need them most.”

The bowlathon will take place from 8am to 6pm on Saturday, 20 June, at Deal Bowling and Social Club in The Drive, Mill Road, Deal. There will be a barbecue and tombola, and recorded music from 6pm.